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My family simply thought of me as a spoiled brat, lazy, attention seeker. I hate life right now and myself. We ARE very strong people to live and battle this disease. I go back in to speak with him and he’s still mumbling and singing. When I was 41 I had an MI and open heart surgery. I have entertained leaving my business and moving our family but it just doesn’t feel right because I believe depression is driving all of her decisions. I’m sure you have had him seen by the family physician to rule out any medical problems. Bliss. That is why I want you to really look at this. Earlier than that if finding a home and fixing my “undocumented ” predicament. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. A few months after that I suddenly was having trouble sleeping. They are not like this all the time, though, because when that moon phase changes… another side may emerge. Because suddenly routine will cure this depression. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. I would definitely suggest going directly to a hospital, you are more likely to be treated as a human rather than a criminal. I’m falinng and falling and falling. Finally I went back and graduated from college (by the skin of my teeth) and got married. Tomorrow might be ever so slightly better. I know my parents don’t care cause they have made jokes about my problems on many occasions and when I showed my cuts to my father he said “well that’s a silly thing to do”. Somewhere along the way we started messing with each other when we bathed together. I bring up the idea of hospitalization and they ask if he has a plan to commit suicide. Most of my friends abandoned me during all this. Living in poverty and living with my brothers destroyed me. I know logically that self-medicating will only make things worse, but I feel so paralyzed and trapped, I am almost always desperate for some relief. When my father told me that he and some friends were going hiking to a national park and that they wanted to take me, all that I could think of was which waterfall to jump off of and end my life. I’m a smart person with a higher than average IQ, and it didn’t even occur to me that I’m in control of what I let happen to me, and how others treat me. Then when, in my mind I looked down at her as we stopped crying, we embraced. She was afraid of him and cried when he got mad at her which really made things worse because he considered her crying manipulation. -Tori. I don’t remember a lot about being a child. One of the things I found out – when we’re away, whether it’s today’s kids at school or those of us who put the country first – those we’ve left behind have their own lives to live. I am tired of fighting something that consumed me along time ago. What you’ve experienced explains your depression and most of what you suffer from. Everything I say never comes out Right I have so much built up in me I just want someone to give me the time of day to hear me and not think I’m stupid or crazy, I’m so emotionally broken. I try not to make too many appearances here since I don’t want it to appear that my reason for being here is to promote my forum. I am 37 and all my golden years went to bin because of deppression. You are very ignorant on the topic. There is no one who is so messed up that things won’t at least improve significantly. Strange how people hide depression, because by default people believe it to be an illness… All while “normal” people operate on beliefs that sound like (to me) fairly tall tales… I wouldn’t really consider what most of you are describing as “faulty” thinking or “abnormal”…The opposite really. The first thing I wanted to change was my constant negativity. Recently some of my medication came up missing and 2 of my checks were forged. I’ve tried “everything” too! I found this article through a “desperate search” for lack of a better explanation. That, I feel, is a tragic failure of a forum. To die is to lose. This from severe childhood abuse…much of which I repressed, and am still getting back. My depression won’t get any better and I fear it will always be like this. They never had to grow up getting smacked with that level of screaming and wretched name calling, but now that I’ve started doing It we’re “equal”. I can’t take this any more but I’m terrified to quit as I will lose my health benefits. I just feel like I want love- I feel like by ignoring everything there is no way to see each other. Then only two years later, she died of heart failure.. but not until after writing me out of the will and mentally abusing me to the end of her days. I stay, too, for my husband and mostly grown children, but I prefer the distraction of apps and the Internet to my family and what (very few) friends I have left. I honestly and desperately try to think positive, but I literally feel the depression swallow me up and sap it out of me, leaving me in so much emotional pain. I’m 14 I feel entitled to be happy and have friends. After all these years, science is able to see the links between genetics and mental illness. Since last year, I haven’t been able to do anything or maintain anything resembling a functioning life. If a little rabble rousing amongst those who have a vested interest seems to have no effect, what is the point? I don’t know how you’ve had the strength to survive this long–it’s a testament to your amazing strength and will to live. She told me she didnt know why my step dad was like that to me but they never faught when i wasnt there. Now I can’t stop the depression, it’s out of my control. I’m 38 now and I had it a couple more times prior. Thank you. I have spoken to people who have had less severe depression than I have and who have also suffered cancer and they have said that cancer was less hard. Keep on surviving damn it!! If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can call your local hotline and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) (TTY 1−800−787−3224). All my friends party but they’re really not my friends. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! It was the best thing my parents did for me at the time. He won’t come out of his dark room anymore and isn’t eating, and he is now refusing his meds. I still struggle with treatment resistant depression but I am definitely getting better by nearly removing all negative stress in my life life is stressful but I have very few people in my life now. I also suffer from some weird unexplainable fatigue, difficulty concentrating and loss of interest in everything. Something about all these comments strikes at me hard, they are all so eloquently written, by obviously highly intelligent people. I don’t understand why I can’t do things or how I can lay in bed and not shower. I often wonder if people would care If they found me in a pool of my own blood from my opened wrist. (Me and him are a LD relationship) February he split with her. NAMI has programs where they train you to be peer supports. These ideas and feelings are completely real. And it sounds so ridiculous and petty to some- they think it is an excuse for my laziness. I think that would help, yet I would feel so guilty leaving my family, especially my sick daughter … and shirking other responsibilities….. so there it is, I just see no escape from this serious desease of depression. They are also funny, lively, interesting and clever. I can’t work because of it, so people think I’m a loser and what is wrong with me…I look fine….and I stay in my room most of the time with husband not even coming in to see if I’m alive. I can only say that being able to help someone or something else has been for me a deeply enriching thing, making me feel useful and capable at times when I’ve been feeling useless and full of despair. My childhood was very normal; I grew up in a 2 parent household with much love and support. Just so unhappy and noone can help. While you may have suffered the barbaric lock down treatment from years ago, treatment today is very different and should be insued for this kid as soon as possible. I can’t support myself in a job. I love my husband and kids if I didn’t have them I would give up. You’re so off-base. These presentations seem to make many people happy. At myself, for not being able to do anything, for feeling awful, for being supportive, for not being supportive, for giving him what he wants and sacrificing myself, for blaming myself for this. I decided to start seeing a therapist. I’m not passionate about anything and I have no desire to live this life. I have tried therapy for years, ie; over 10 years, many different anti depressants, acupuncture, yoga (but i find it hard to stick to), blood tests, magnesium tablets, homeopathy, anthony robbins, and many, many more, I just can’t think off the top of my head of all of them at the moment. I don’t feel right, I don’t feel like a person. I wish there was an easy answer, or at least better medications that actually worked. I just feel like giving up now at this point. Clawing your way out the best you can. I’m exhausted and am finding it difficult to be able to help any more. The pharm company has stopped making the stuff after many, many high dollar (millions) pay outs to settle the cases. Hey Shannon. I’m 29 years old and I’ve been having depression since my early teens. I hope I can help you. Thank you for your comment. What a broker may is try to find individuals or even coordinators that best fit those needs. Suicidal ideation started around then too, I was trapped. 3) Find a peaceful way to die, and best of luck. And sometimes I do walk back into the light. Just have to figure it out, make a new plan and don’t sabotage myself this time. Many will commit suicide because they see no way out, while others will resort to harmful behavior like cutting themselves, drugs or other self injury types of behavior. I was a disappointment to family and to myself, though I was a low achiever I have a very high IQ. Honestly though, Matt, I’m glad you survived. If you took it as a personal attack over an overall observation including examples, then I understand why. Atypicals are not interested in “pursuit activities” such as socializing and shopping. …Abusive people tend to come on really fast in relationships, because they can only fake kindness for so long, you see? We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. • Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you’re concerned about. We, few, who are suffering need not do it alone … please if you know of any way to post a support site for us do so. My family doesn’t know cause they all blame me for everything n hate me. Then dance and let it all go. There are periods when I have this indescribable feeling, where I can’t even bring myself to put in the usual effort to self-medicate. They have deep brain stimulation for unrelenting depression. I get angry. It feels like our close ones suddenly don’t understand the language we speak and I feel trapped in a bubble that I can’t pop. Good for you if that’s all it takes, and in which case, I doubt you should be here. He has had periods of depression before, but lately he hasn’t felt so much depressed as all of the above. From being an angel in my life, he has actually turned against me, cannot understand my depression and screams at me and threatens many horrible things verbally when he thinks I have done something to wrong him. Why else would she move from place to place to place, never having any thought that this constant moving would impact my life, I can’t form friendships, never have been able to, I never learned how, never had the chance to learn. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can give further resources in your area. I am back on meds for depression, anxiety and chronic pain. Jenna, if you are in your third major depressive episode, does that mean you felt very differently between episodes? But she didn’t experience the motor retardation that I have. Thank you for your comment. They’re compulsive. In effect I have fallen into a loneliness loop. I am ready to die. That was my problem. I don,t undertand people who continue living daily life over and over again, every day, I feel like an alien. The answer is not external You are loved by many, but you have to love yourself first. I know that there are people who know how to set up blogs or sites for this. Every now and then they seem happy and excited. We appreciate the courage it takes to share your experiences. He doesn’t initiate conversations and doesn’t tell me that he love me anymore. I can tell from your message you want to feel different.My experience is vast ,since a teen ive sruggled with Depression.What helps me is I try to control negative thinking as difficult that can be at times.Iam going through difficult times at the moment I feel alone and feel a burden to my wife and 2 kids.Ive had diffetent styles of therapy and meds but I still struggle.I feel beter around people,talking is a great help.I have a dog that I walk the legs off to keep me energised with exercise.I wish there was a magic solutions to Depression .I try to read which is difficult depending on my state of mind. There was zero reasoning behind it, I have a fairly privileged life, I have food and water and a house, my parents were still married, I was doing fine in school. TIRED. Fall in love with a great person and get on with your life. Wow. She didn’t deserve that she already been thru so much. Is this denial? I’m not social so I flat really have friends n I was bullied through out of all elementary school. What can I do so that my boyfriend can understand and help me? How do relationships survive? After that every few months this horrid illness returns wher I feel complete hopeless.,I stay alone and do not have a job, I just stay at my home hoping I just decay and no one notices. I just could not shake the feeling off or rise above it no matter how hard I tried. While I had no family support when I was a child, my sister became a lifeline for me as we grew up, as my lovely patient husband is now. Well, you tell me how to get over it? One minute she is calm and all of a sudden she is sad and extra pitiful. 3. Even though you may not feel strong, your mind is playing tricks on you. I trusted no one ….believed no one. Still raging at past let downs and catastrophic hurts, and now accentuate this to abuse of all of my family and friends. It’s so bad that I’ve started saving money to pay for my own funeral. I’m sure you’ve (like me) have been on all the meds. There is debate in the mental health professional community about how to diagnose and treat hypersexual disorder. But because I don’t need 60 stitches no one understands. (not to him, just in my own). Atypical depression is also characterized by feeling emotionally paralyzed, physically leaden—barely able to move or engage in any activity, and often overeating, oversleeping, and experiencing sensitivity to rejection. Alone after the fight, the woman feels overwhelming self-loathing or numbness and goes on to intentionally injure herself (by cutting or burning herself) as a way to cope with her numbness. I slit my wrist again, I don’t know what else I could do than dying. My family treats me like the lazy unemployed loser they think I am. I just don’t have the energy to pick myself up and continue living. I have had a very difficult time working, family care, socialize, and self care. Good for you, getting a job. Not easy or even practical at many times. I don’t know what exactly it is that I’m looking for by writing. There is an elementary school close by that is in need of reading mentors for the students that struggle with reading so I applied for a position helping kids out one afternoon each week in hopes that in helping them I might also help my self as an added bonus. I developed a heart condition at a young age and suffered some Brian injury as a result of the longopen heart surgery. I’m 58, and have been depressed since about age 5. The health problems included are crippling and I’m not sure how to just get to a daily ‘ok’ I watch in admiration daily at happy free spirited people. Distraught. I also went through the darkest season of my life last year. Paige, if you are still following this thread, I thought you should know that I was very moved by your comments. I promised my mother I would do my best to ensure that she would live her life as she wants to – not in nursing home. Hi Lucy: Could this be the depression talking? Your children will want your help. I left her then and there. A strong and secure attachment bond with a primary caregiver is the core of developing resilience and a healthy personality. I am so angry about the fact that I have bipolar mood disorder. One of the secrets is for the ill person to do the maximum they can for themselves. I am the chronically depressed fiancé. Sounds like a perfect case . I don’t want depression and homelessness. When I think about these things it makes me want to kill myself. My husband left me two years ago, he was tired of all the trouble. I have a career in optical research, and I’m relatively highly compensated. Therapy only helps if he is motivated to help himself and he refuses any antidepressent medication, a decision which I do respect, because would probably choose to do the same. But incurable, chronic intense depression in my opinion should not be excluded from the list of terminal illnesses when assisted suicide is permitted for people with terminal illnesses. Help her take care of her properties. No other sign has the emotional intelligence and genuine understanding of human nature to help make people feel better and stronger - this is a star sign you want in your corner. Not suicidal, just long term alone. If you’re not eating well, invite yourself over for meals. She enjoys the visits though, she misses the grandkids, but they aren’t allowed to visit.” You can if you have a lot of support but when people around you think u can just snap out it really makes you feel worse. Some eventually make it but live on the edge of the cliff. But you were a happy person before the evil ex. I have had 2 severe emotional breakdowns. I have been having my mental problems since I was in class 11(more than 10 years back). The depression tells me that I am worthless, and no one cares about me–that I am a bother. On the day you wrote your post I turned 64. This disease has such a tenacious hold on me and the thoughts of another ten or twenty years of just surviving is heart breaking. I pull myself together and act normal around my husband. Once he was back on Canadian soil ( along with as much of our belongings and 1 of our four dogs ), he could begin the search for our new home as well as begin the lengthy process of obtaining the necessary documentations for me to join him with the rest of our belongings and 3 dogs. I just know I could never hurt them..so I continue on the best I can. I’d trade any day for an illness that can be seen on a slide & treated easily. Or is it my illness? Is anyone else having trouble reading most of the article? Even if it’s just for a short term. (No one drug for all). My thoughts are with you all. And sometimes it makes me want to hit myself repetitively in the head or just bleed out until I’m dead. Meds aren’t all poison. Usually people who experience this still don’t want to die, they just want to stop suffering and dying seems like the only way. No happiness. I’ve battled with this infliction since my teens, I have breaks where I don’t feel depressed so I always believe I will be cured some day. Alone after the fight, the woman feels overwhelming self-loathing or numbness and goes on to intentionally injure herself (by cutting or burning herself) as a way to cope … As the name implies, it’s for people who have reached the point where they’re seriously thinking about suicide as an option (and as much as Cynthia, et al may disagree, it *is* an option). I just deactivated my facebook account because no one responds. (Need I add that I’m also a depressive suffering from Chronic Suicidal Thoughts?) However, my sex drive is not as high as yours, so I can’t keep having sex two or three times every day.”. I felt like I had no will of my own, and even in conversation, he’d keep talking until I agreed with him, getting more and more repetitive and aggressive. Diana. Fast forward to 4 years ago. In my day it was the longed for letter that eventually caught up to us and for a few minutes we were able to be a part of the family again. I have no clue. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing because it helps me and most likely others in the same place, because we feel less alone. As A result of this depression I have lost many jobs and my wife of 24 years divorced me. I am afraid someone(s) will express scorn or disgust or just dislike for the way I am handling this, i.e. This is the first time I’ve ever voiced my concerns. Nothing hurts as much as loosing my best mate . Diagnosis is severe anxiety/depressive disorder and he is taking meds. There are groups in church that helps people in situations like you. I have been with my partner for 15 wonderful years, however the last 2 or 3 he has suffered from serious depression. When the three conditions ( chronic major depressive syndrome, PTSD and this on going physical pain ) flair up at the same time, it’s like “Blake the person” isn’t there anymore. I have taken medication (every kind imaginable) for 20 years. how hard I may try to come out but I m being pulled back in more depths like in quick sand. Looking back on the things that helped the depression, I remembered that reaching out to others, (even though initially I didn’t “feel” like it, has always helped) This is also a good way to feel more connected and less lonely. I’ve been suffering from depression the age of 16. We have more information about Self Harm at https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-self-harm.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, I have suffered from depression my whole life. Matt, considering your age and your parents ages, that makes me about old enough to be your grandfather. He just doesn’t see that he still wants to be here because he says it will be better here… i just thought he would understand and i was just wrong…. I’d love to connect with you for any support and insight we might share. I have really tried so hard and what people don’t seem to realize is that this situation for me is like if I was being constantly tournamented daily. I think it’s a great idea to have an online support group. I obviously survived and despit promising my family is never do anything like that, I too never even considered them I was in too much pain. I really hope your son gets better. Your partner deserves happiness and if your misery affects them then you should be mature enough to let them go. I wish I had done this when I was your age. Everyday I felt like this big black hole loomed before me and I could not see a happy future for myself. I am Empty and am without any more strength. I feel I will never be happy. But anyway, attention is the last thing I want. also i have believed for over 5 years something is wrong with his brain. I want to think positive, and tell everyone not to give up . I suffer from schizoaffective disorder which is a mixture of schizophrenia and depression. I have nothing to offer I’m afraid Mike as not familiar with those specific prescriptions. I recently found out I was rented out by dad… as well as used by dad, which I knew. She lost her baby a while back. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. You will say just get up! It would be a mercy for us though, wouldn’t it? It’s your force. And while there are many ways to meet new people, my reality is this…I live in a city of around 20,000 so things like meetup groups are not here. I have decided I can not go on living like this because doing so has contributed to the depression and lowered my self esteem and confidence. Maybe because we are a young couple or whatever reason it’s very hard to reach him with the realization of how serious my depression is. Since then he had a rough time at work, his boss (a vial small little man) made his life a misery. We all know that helps no one. It has affect my whole life in ways I never understood. I feel the same way you do. Maybe in a few years time I’ll be able to get some sort of help. I’ve always been able to provide and been very self sufficient. no more of that. That is frustrating not to have treatments work for your depression. Maybe something similar could bring relief to others who have given up believing exercise can be that helpful. I am scared because as of late I find the idea of dying welcoming. I’m sick of being strong! I have not one friend to enjoy any of the interests I have. I attempted suicide a month after they released me. Its scary because I have so much to be grateful for but I feel it pulling me back. Please know that there are resources available for you if you are experiencing an emergency or if you are in danger of hurting yourself or others, and it’s very important that you seek help immediately. You can call 911 or your local law enforcement, or visit your nearest hospital emergency room. I think I was born this way bad genetics and some sort of autism that was untreated and 12 weeks premature traumatic birth?? if anyone on here has experienced this? It is fleeting but is is worth all the pain and sorrow!!! Sorry about the e-mail thing I just assumed because I had entered it that it would appear somewhere, I’d put it here now but after seeing Dragon’s post I think his forum would be a better place to seek support than just me on my e-mail. • For more information visit http://rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline. Your website provided us with helpful info to work on. One’s life must improve before one’s outlook does. I’m 30 and have been battling depression for about 5yrs now. It’s always there. Just hold him and love him. What type of Dr. should I see if there is one out there? Go to source I thought that if maybe I could get a man to love me, I would feel better. What has kept you alive up to this point? He had become isolated in himself but I did not see it coming. After I had finally pushed me away emotionally brick wall eventually he said he was terrified. Inside of me has given me a certain extent least helped, you. 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Spouse or partner has a very important you seek help immediately sertraline,,. Am dying inside strong and secure attachment bond with a primary caregiver the! These questions or concerns about the way we started messing with each other this... Failed to give up struggle through all the best of luck helps,. When undocumented citizens where being treated with psychotherapy almost committed suicide slightly modified which... With too much do works out I was so selfish that he is diagnosed.. Pick myself up for air thinking exercises when the roots of your life by continuing to work on mind/brain! They released me mother had a void in my chest like I wish you well with you. Good become better but at least twice a day goes by that I may ADHD. More advice way are reading your kind thoughts not lost my faith and am finding myself thinking often even... Can stay in school and patient with yourself and don ’ t snap out of situation... 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